How to Make My Partner Choose Me Over Their Friends
Every day, people I talk to tell me things like: “My boyfriend prefers drinking over being with me” or “When he’s with his friends, he forgets about me.”
The funny thing is, even though everyone faces this issue, it doesn’t happen for the same reasons. Some women truly downplay the fact that their partner isn’t with them and see it as “normal” for their boyfriend to go partying for 2 or 3 days. On the opposite end, there are women who never let their partner go out not even for 10 minutes. In both cases, there’s something wrong, but what about you? If you’re not in the wrong… how can you make him change his priorities and choose you over his friends?
That’s exactly today’s topic. Let’s talk a little: Why does my partner prefer his friends?
Friends have probably been around longer than you, and surely while he was getting to know you:
He told them about you.
Then he told them about his problems.
He goes to them when he needs to talk about something he can’t discuss with you.
You need to understand something: men only choose their friends over you for two very different reasons:
With them, they can be themselves without receiving nagging or complaints even from you.
Sometimes women complain about everything to their partners, not realizing that most men prefer not to receive complaints at all. That’s why they feel “less free” and pressured. Men shouldn’t be pressured they respond better to leading by example.
For example, if he likes leaving his clothes on the floor, the worst thing you can do is wash them for him, because that teaches him it’s okay. If, instead, you let him stay in his mess, he’ll eventually understand it’s wrong when he sees all his clothes on the floor (probably later than you expect). His friends would never say anything about it so it’s all advantages: peace and quiet instead of arguments with you.
2. He genuinely enjoys being with his friends and needs to de-stress.
If he works all day, it’s normal for him to be stressed.
All men relieve stress differently: some play video games, some party, some play sports like boxing or football. They all have something in common: they do it because they enjoy it and to socialize.
We’re not all the same. Just as you have favorite colors or tastes, he has his preferences. If your partner behaves well with you most of the time, it’s ideal to trust him and let him spend time with his friends.
HOWEVER… In both cases, the question isn’t whether it’s right or wrong to go out with friends that’s exactly what we’re going to explore: Should friends or your partner be more important?
Friends are essential for every human being. To save you time, here are 10 key points I consider important for every couple:
It’s very important that each person has their own friends.
If mutual friends arise in the relationship, that’s great but if not, don’t force it.
Outings should be consensual; it’s not about asking permission but informing each other where you’ll be.
Your partner may occasionally ask you to stay instead of going out with friends but not always.
Going out partying for 3 days with friends is only allowed if your partner is okay with it.
If your partner does something, you’re also allowed to do it and they shouldn’t get angry.
Every couple has different rules: for some, infidelity means “messaging someone else,” for others, it simply doesn’t exist. Each relationship sets its own rules.
Your partner cannot forbid you from seeing your friends.
If your partner wants to join you on an outing, you should allow it but your friends might feel uncomfortable. That’s not their fault. Always inform your friends if you’re bringing your partner.
Some couples do well going out together, others separately. In both cases, trust is crucial and we’ve already discussed how to build it.
I recommend reading:
Why am I jealous of my partner?
How to change my partner to choose me?
If you want to make your partner choose you over their friends, try doing the following:
1. Be an excellent partner.
Remember I mentioned that men prefer not to receive complaints? If you want to be an excellent partner, you need to help him, believe in him, and support him in everything always.
If that idea doesn’t appeal to you, know that for me a perfect relationship is one where both partners help, support and believe in each other. But someone has to take the first step how can you ask for something you don’t give?
2. Do for him what you want him to do for you.
If you want him to stop going out with friends, stop going out with yours. It’s simple: give what you want to receive. If it works, great; if not, you have strong grounds to bring it up.
3. Give more than he does.
No matter how much he chooses to love you, love him more. Why wouldn’t he prioritize you if he feels most comfortable with you?
4. Offer balance.
He wants to go out, you don’t this is not balance. Both should be okay with the decision. For example, I know a couple with rules like this:
He can go wherever he wants as long as he’s home by 10 PM and responds to messages and calls.
She can go wherever she wants as long as she doesn’t drink alcohol and is back by 10 PM.
From my point of view, it works because they agreed. The key is communication.
5. Express how you feel.
If something bothers you, speak up. And if nothing changes, move on you’re not a tree; you have feet and can leave. If he refuses to change, find someone who values you. Remember, men are not mind readers we need you to say directly what you want so we don’t fail you.
What to do when your boyfriend goes out with friends:
How to manage the anxiety when your partner goes out without you?
Do you tend to think: “He’s probably with someone else?”
Here’s how to handle it:
Think carefully, don’t make rash decisions.
When angry or upset, emotions are strong; emotional control and communication are key.
Wait until he returns, talk to him, understand him, listen, and ask questions without being toxic. For example, if you want to know if there were women at the party, just ask: “How was the party?” and let him answer.
Work on communication.
Some couples don’t know how to ask things properly. Talking is the first step; if you don’t speak, no one hears you. One good exercise is a “zero game,” where nothing said during the game can affect the relationship. It’s interesting but delicate, so be careful.
What if my boyfriend refuses to change?
As I said before, leaving is always an option. But if you care about him choosing friends over you, one of the best options is to make him notice either by distancing yourself, showing jealousy or demonstrating that you don’t need to tolerate something you dislike. It depends entirely on your relationship and its dynamics.
In summary: talking rarely works. Men learn by example, which we discussed earlier.
Now you know everything about how to make your partner choose you over their friends. Put it into practice and leave me a comment telling me how it went.
Big hug!
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